What should come first - a child's health and wellbeing or their "academic" performance in schoolwork...

If a seven-year-old child has been up much of the night and been having nightmares and is still looking peaky should the *first* thing a parent do is to ask him to fetch his schoolbag so she can see what homework he has and then tell him that they are going visiting today and he will have to sit and do the homework on Sunday upsetting the child after he has been relaxed at last after a troubled night and leaving him in tears as they get into the car?


Shouldn't a child's health and welfare (which includes his state of mind which affects physical health too especially if sleep is disturbed) come ahead of schoolwork which he can catch up with anytime.


I never made my boys do homework if they were sick and I would never have allowed the school to pressure them so at the age of seven anyway.


What sort of world are we creating for our children by putting them under such pressure - and shouldn't parents be resisting that not adding to it?|||Their wellbeing comes above everything for me Joan I have 3 kids 2 do very well at school and the youngest struggles I couldn't give 2 figs about how clever he is he's my little pleasure in life and has long has he's happy I couldn't careless about homework or anything else come to that.|||... would all have got on and you can still go back and pick up "qualifications" at any age - even when you are 50!

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|||exactly I couldn't agree more bx

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|||that's right Joan I always say you should be born backwards (if that makes sense) were all wiser when were older bx

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|||God, give us grace to accept with serenity


the things that cannot be changed,


courage to change the things that should be changed,


and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.|||Their happiness, health and well being first and foremost. Nothing else matters.


The pressures inflicted on kids now are unacceptable. Whoever this poor 7 year old is you are referring to I would say the treatment is tantamount to abuse.|||I'm a huge believer in letting kids get lots of play and exercise, and I am constantly frustrated with how much pressure schools (and some parents) put kids under these days. I think the amounts of homework kids get are often preposterous, and if I felt my kid was getting too much homework I'd complain to the teacher. Also, if the lack of rest or nightmares were chronic, I'd take that problem seriously and look into ways to resolve it.





On the other hand, I wouldn't excuse a kid from homework just because he'd been having nightmares and didn't have a great night's sleep for one night (otherwise, I'd imagine he'd start reporting every morning what a terrible night he'd had). Nor would I consider it a mistake to require him to do his assigned schoolwork even if he was upset or crying about it (again, as long as the amount was reasonable and the difficulty level was not inappropriate for him). Of course if he was running a fever or honestly couldn't figure out the work after a good try or something of course I'd have him skip the homework, but if he was just tired I'd suggest a nap or some reading or quiet play to make up for the lost sleep if I really thought he was exhausted (perhaps skipping the visiting, which would presumably be more tiring than homework), and then still have him do his homework ... if it's a weekend presumably there'd be time for both. I do want my kids to learn responsibility as long as they're having ample time for rest and play and the expectations on them are not unreasonable.|||Health and well being comes first.





I am with you - if, when my child reaches 7, they are put under untold pressure from school, I will be the first to march round there and tell them what is what.|||Maybe the fact that he hadnt done his homework was causing him worry and stress in the first place. The seven year old you talk about is not ill. They had a nightmare which is common in young children.





Is he stressed about his home life? For example is there a lot of sniping and arguing going on round about him, children pick up on atmospheres and if he is quite sensitive then he will notice it.





Allow his mother to choose what is right for him. No one is disputing that you knew what was best for you own sons, and the same way your daughter in law knows what is best for her son.





And remember it isnt just your daughter in law that brings your grandchildren up, it is also your son. So the next time you think that something is being done wrong why dont you blame your son for it?





EDIT: You make a big deal about your son having to pick them up if your daughter in law 'decides' to work late. They are his kids too, they both work full time and share the parenting! Does this all stem from the fact that you didnt have a husband about to help you when your sons were growing up? Are you secretly jealous of the life your daughter in law is able to lead. She manages to work full time, be married and raise her kids with her husband. Plus she has the stress of you breathing down her neck and putting her down at every option. I think she should be on the New Years honours list personally|||I agree with you that the well-being of our children should come before anything else. Is it really going to put them far behind if they take a night off from doing their homework? The answer is no.





I do not have children myself, but when I was little, I know that my parents cared more about my mental and physical states rather than if my homework was done.





Sometimes parents don't realize how certain things (like bad dreams, for example) can affect their kids. Or, some parents care way too much about their children always getting straight A's and nothing else. No parent is perfect, but I wish that more people would strive to be better parents.|||Their health and well being most definitely comes before schoolwork. There is too much pressure on children in school these days. My son has only just turned 4, been in school 3 weeks and I've already been told he must work much faster at activities. Ridiculous!|||With the compettiveness of today's world you don't have a choice. Even 10-12 yrs ago when i was in highschool i still had to finish my projects with the chicken pox. If they don't make him do his homework he will fall behind and have to spend time doing it later or the teacher won't accept it and he will repeat the grade. So you have to weigh the benfits of rest against the embarssement of repeating a grade. Nightmares are bad but he is not running a fever he will rest tonight then work on his homework all day.





EDIT


Teachers don't care if you were in the hospital they want their work on time if you wait to last minute it is your fault or at least that is what they say. In college proffessors are even more tough about work


Times have changed the parent has to force the child|||Health and wellbeing come first.If the child is not feeling well, for whatever reason , he will not be able to put forth a good effort on his homework.I agree that homework can wait until he is feeling better.As adults, sometimes we forget what it felt like to be children.Many parents today seem to put undue pressure on their children to overachieve at earlier ages.Children are expected to excel at school, participate in organized afterschool activities ( a whirlwind of sports,dance, clubs etc.)A child's life so fully organized that the child never gets the freedom to just be spontaneous.When will adults let kids just be kids?|||Health and wellbeing obviously.





There is way too much pressure on kids today what with all these tests and SATS and what have you.|||I agree that young children should not be given compulsory homework. They should be allowed to play and have fun and be children. It is all very well being academically brilliant, but life is not all about academics. Being able to mix with others, enjoy life, be a child are important. Yes sometimes kids need a bit of a push but not forced into stuff.|||I never "made" my children do homework whilst they were at primary school - I always felt that it was unnecessary -


I have three children at secondary school and two still at primary -


I believe that I have a pretty good relationship with the school - I am a governor and a P.T.A. member and I run an after school club - and because of my childrens ages it will now be 7 years that i have been going through those same school gates.


So they know me pretty well and I have always stood my ground in saying that I will not make my (primary school) children do home work - if they come to me and say they want to do it - it gets done! - otherwise it stays in the bag.





I believe that absaloutely their happiness and well being come first - if they are happy and well they will learn.





Childrens minds are like little sponges - they absorb everything that goes on around them - they want to learn





BUT FIRST THEY MUST BE HAPPY!!!!!!





By the way my eldest is on his way to completing 12 GCSE's - and wants to be a teacher - my second chooses his GCSE's after christmas but has been told he could get at least a grade C in maths now - his is 13!!


my daughter is exceeding the national averages in all of her subjects - my two little ones are also above and beyond national averages


My philosophy is don't push or pull your children - walk along side them


Show them the wonders of the world and they will want to learn!!!





Education is not about ramming information down thier throats it is about opening doors into new worlds!!!!!!!|||Of course health and well being comes first but not doing homework because of a couple of bad dreams?! Surely the child would have calmed down by the time he would have to do his homework.


I think you are just nit picking again and posting questions on here to find people who will agree with you so you can justify your hatred towards your daughter in law!|||oh no, that is awful. i truly believe homework should be scrapped. the education system is failing and kids are put under immense pressure when all they should really be doing at that age is playing their little legs off. what a shame the poor kid.|||i think there is far too much pressue on children theses days - they;re burnt out by the time they reach senior school - when i started school at 5 we sat in the class with a pencil and were told to chase it around the paper in front of me - these days children read and write before thet even start playgroup - children of 7 study victorians, tutankamun - cant even spell it properly and i'm 50! we skimmed across the suface of elizabeth fry and bonny prince charlie at that age, drawing, colouring - unlike these days - i think its awful - my son has had lots of time off school with sleepless night, mouth ucers, fatigue, exhaustion - he's 13 coming up 14 not even gcse age yet - i fear for children these days, i really do so in answer to your question yes health, happiness is paramount - they cannot function without health lets face it!|||I think health and well being at any age should come first. At the age of 7 I would not expect the homework given to even be important enough to the learning proses to put a child behind if they missed one night of it. As far as I am aware if the school is informed as to why the child didn't do their homework that should be alright. However my friends daughter had to repeat a year of primary school because she was ill so often, she had very bad tonsillitis and every time she was booked in for surgery it came back, putting the operation off for longer. When her mother told the school she didn't want any work sent home for her to do because she felt she was too ill to do it, the school basically told her make her do the work or she has to repeat the year, she was only 8. This seemed extremely harsh to me, but it does appear to be the way schools are going.|||Excuse me, but this parent clearly felt that 'going visiting' was actually more important. If the child had a terrible night, I wouldn't be taking him visiting. They don't give homework to such young kids in my district other than helping the child practice 'tables.'|||health and wellbeing cuz a healthy child would make the child feel good. good school work is always really good but i would defo say health x x|||Nightmares and homework don't affect a child's health and welfare. Failing 2nd grade DOES affect a child's welfare. I understand that as a mother in law, it's your job to pick your daughter in law apart (I have a MIL of my own - very familiar with your work), but I urge you to remember that you had your chance at raising kids, and you weren't perfect either. Chances are your MIL had plenty to say about your decisions as well. Ah, the circle of life...





Your son and daughter in law are very generous with the time that you get with your grand kids. I'd work on improving my relationship with my daughter in law, because if you continue allowing your thoughts to go in this direction, you'll damage your relationship with them both irreparably, and as a result will have little or no relationship with your grand kids. Speaking from experience, ma'am.|||I am with you on this one. Health is far more important - anyway, the homework they get now is so stupid its hardly worth their effort. I regret that our education system is a joke and so are the people that forget children are human! I put my son under pressure to do his homework but only if I feel he should. Its my home and what happens in it is my decision so if I don't want him doing it for whatever reason, the teachers are asked to speak to me directly and not to discuss the matter with my son. He just tells the teacher to 'speak to mum' and they sort of wriggle away and I never get any bother...|||Hi Joan I believe the child's health and wellbeing always comes first, if one of my children have had a really bad night which is of no fault of there own, I would either keep them off school the following day or send a note or see the teacher to explain the reasons of why the child has not done the homework, and that it would be done in a day or two.|||Health and well being certainly come first in my book. If my son's school over pressured him (I mean OVER pressured) then I would have to talk to the teacher or principal. Homework is not detrimental to a child's health but too much homework can keep a kid from having their natural outlet of after school play and relax time. There needs to be a healthy balance.|||No child should feel pressured but if the right help is there to encourage them if they feel they need it if a child is ill then they need to rest to recover then do the work somethime i turn home work into fun work and we do it in a quiz like game where we all join in and do the work like team work i find this helps all the children learn no matter what lever and the homework seams less pressure all round then they look forward to the extra work no matter what but rest is so important as they need to feel good to concentrate|||Down with Homework! healthy well adjusted children is the foremost important aspect to their lives. If they are happy in their minds anyway they will naturally be intelligent academic children anyway. they are not robots for heaven sake!|||well you bought up your kids your way





time to let her bring up her kids her way surely?





kids are resilient and as a working mum she is trying to do the best she can by her kids|||I totally agree, there's far too much pressure put on young children, especially when it comes to schooling, that is one of the reasons we have opted to home educate our children, I think children should be given time to be children and not forced to work even academically the hours that are expected - homework at seven I feel is ridiculous when exactly are they allowed to play? A child that's allowed to develop at their own pace academically will do better in the long run - we don't force our babies to walk and run before they're ready and put so much emphasis on them developing at different rates physically why can't we realise that the same applies mentally and academically? A child's health and wellbeing are more important than academic performance in school work.|||Health and well being always comes first, but I am a stickler when it comes to school work, this may not have been the first time the child has pulled a stunt like this and his parents may be holding him accountable for his actions. My daughter is 6 and in the 2nd grade and knows that anything less than A's will be bad for her health! Once a child falls behind it is very hard for them to catch up especially at that age where they introduce new information every day.|||Wow, you said a mouthful. That's the longest run-on sentence I've ever seen. Generally, academic performance IS for the child's best welfare. Also, having a nightmare does not make them 'sick'. It means they had a nightmare. Big difference, I think.





I'm not sure whether you're asking a question, or just complaining. I assume that you're claiming that the homework caused the nightmares? If that is the case, the kid either needs some extra tutoring, or he's not getting proper support with it after school. Who's monitoring him when they get home from school, and helping him with the work? That's who I'd want to talk to.





My mother watched my little ones after school for a short bit - she had them so upset about their homework they cried every night. Once I stopped that, and put them in a better environment and helped them learn, the homework became much more pleasant.|||I would be more concerned about my son. The homework would be the least of my worries!|||i think their "academic " perfomance in schoolwork should come first.